


It's Your Right to Hurt Me Baby (If You Wanted To)

by poisonivory



Category: Batman (Comics), DCU (Comics), Green Arrow (Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Anal Sex, BDSM, Crying, Daddy Kink, Hand Jobs, Jason Todd Has Issues, Light Bondage, M/M, Praise Kink, Spanking, Switching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 12:55:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24970054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poisonivory/pseuds/poisonivory
Summary: Roy nodded. “I was wondering...you ever think about switching this up?”Jason’s brow furrowed. “Switching what up?”“This.” Roy’s lazy gesture looked like it might have indicated the two of them if he had bothered to lift his hand or move his wrist at all. “The little kinky thing we’re doing.”“You want to spank me?” Jason asked, smirking.Roy smiled back, half-hidden by the pillow. “There is nothing I don’t want to do to that fine ass of yours, Jaybird,” he said. “But not spanking necessarily, unless that’s what you want. There’s a lot of other stuff we could do. I guess I was just wondering if you ever thought about subbing in general. I think you might like it.”-Spoiler: He likes it.
Relationships: Roy Harper/Jason Todd
Comments: 47
Kudos: 405





	It's Your Right to Hurt Me Baby (If You Wanted To)

**Author's Note:**

> Written for JayRoy Weekend 2020, for the prompt "pride." The title is from Carly Rae Jepsen's "This Love Isn't Crazy," and I hope y'all aren't tired of me using her lyrics for fic titles because there's a few more to come.
> 
> Warnings: There is a brief discussion of Jason's childhood, in which it is specified that he was physically but not sexually abused.
> 
> Thanks to [mizzmarvel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mizzmarvel/pseuds/mizzmarvel) for the beta!

Jason drew in a ragged breath and looked down at Roy. His partner seemed to be at the end of his rope: down on his knees, shaking and sweating, his fair skin covered in lurid marks from repeated blows. His voice, when he spoke, was hoarse from screaming. He couldn’t take much more of this.

Fuck, but Jason loved it.

“ _Jay_ ,” Roy whined, spreading his legs a little wider and pushing his ass back towards Jason. “Baby, _please._ ”

Jason drummed his fingernails on the base of the plug tucked snugly inside Roy, making him shudder. “You want my cock, Roy?”

Maybe Roy wasn’t as far gone as Jason thought, because he laughed shakily and threw a wink over his shoulder. “Always.”

Jason pinched the back of one thigh, right over a particularly red mark, and Roy yelped. “Hm, I don’t know. Do you really think you deserve it?”

Roy’s mouth moved and then stopped as he searched for the right answer. It couldn’t be “no,” because then he wouldn’t get what he wanted, but saying “yes” would be stepping outside of the game they were playing tonight.

“Isn’t that up to you?” Roy said finally. But his tone was playful and his eyes were laughing and just because both of those things made Jason want to pin him to the bed and kiss him breathless didn’t mean he wasn’t going to punish Roy for his failure to demonstrate any real submissiveness at all.

He gave Roy a sharp smack on the ass - not a real spank, but enough to sting lightly - and heard Roy gasp. “For that you get five more,” he said. “Count, and if you don’t miss any, I’ll give you my dick. How does that sound?”

Roy _undulated_ against the sheets, because he was built to try Jason’s patience. “Good,” he said. “Really good.”

Jason brought his hand down hard on Roy’s ass in the same place he’d given him the light slap, and watched him jump. “One!” Roy said, his voice hitching.

Jason rubbed the sting away, loving how warm Roy’s skin was under his palm. They’d done this with a belt a couple of times, and once with a hairbrush, but even though those were easier on his hands, Jason preferred the skin-to-skin approach. He liked to feel exactly what he was doing to Roy, to see the color bloom across his skin and know that his hands had put it there.

Not that there was much room left for color to spread at this point. They’d been going for a while, and Roy’s pert rear end and the backs of his thighs were mottled pink and red, visible handprints overlaid in places. Through it all, his erection, which had been hanging heavy and hard between his legs since Jason had fingered him open and slid the plug in to keep him that way, hadn’t flagged in the slightest. If Jason liked spanking Roy, Roy _loved_ Jason spanking Roy.

Roy didn’t miss a single count and ended with “ _Five_ , that’s five, Jaybird, come on, fuck me, please!”

“So impatient,” Jason tsked, but the truth was that he was too, so impatient that his fingers fumbled on the plug before he managed to get it out. He grabbed for the lube, slicked himself up, and then was sinking into Roy - slowly, carefully, because he was bigger than the plug and not all hurting was fun hurting, but from the way Roy arched and moaned, he was doing just fine.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Roy breathed, dropping his forehead to the sheets. Jason let him adjust and then took him hard and fast, digging his fingers into the reddest marks on Roy’s skin for purchase. Roy whined and groaned and pleaded for more, as if Jason wasn’t already making the headboard slam against the wall in a way that would have gotten them in trouble if they had neighbors on that side. As if Jason would have ever held anything back from Roy when they were like this.

“Roy,” Jason panted, looking down at him: the gorgeous sprawl of his body, the flare of color all over his ass and thighs, the way he took Jason so completely. The absolute _trust_. “Tell me.”

That was all he managed, but Roy understood. Roy always understood. “It’s good, it’s so good,” he said. “Love the way you feel inside me, how hard you take me. You always fuck me so good, baby.”

Jason’s belly tightened, and he didn’t know if it was the words or the sight or how sweetly Roy clenched around him. “God, fuck, I can’t…”

“ _Please_.” Roy begged prettier than anything Jason had ever heard. “Please, please, Jay, I want to feel you.”

Jason tried to stave it off, but Roy looked and felt too good, and the sound of his pleading knocked Jason right off the ledge. He curled forward as his climax rushed through him, hands tight on Roy’s hips.

When he came back to himself, Roy had twisted around enough to look at him over his shoulder again. His smile was lazy and irresistible. “Fuck, I love watching you come,” he said.

He looked a little smug, which was awfully rich for a guy who’d been begging Jason to come in his ass thirty seconds prior, and that would _not_ do.

“Yeah?” Jason asked, and hauled Roy upright, pulling him back so that they were both on their knees, with Roy’s weight landing in Jason’s lap. It drove Jason’s still mostly hard dick deeper, making them both gasp - or maybe Roy’s gasp was because all of his weight was now resting on his thoroughly abused backside. Jason wrapped a hand around Roy’s dick and felt it twitch under his palm. “How do you feel about this?”

“I...fuck...pretty good,” Roy said, writhing in Jason’s lap, his hips stuttering up into Jason’s grip before he pushed his ass back against Jason’s thighs like he was seeking out the sting of contact. His head lolled against Jason’s shoulder. “Jaybird...oh, fuck, please…”

Jason mouthed at his throat, jerking him roughly. “Come on, Roy, fair’s fair. I want to see you come, too. You gonna show me how pretty you are?” he asked, and Roy shouted and came all over Jason’s fist.

Jason held him there for a few long moments, kissing Roy’s neck and shoulder and feeling his weight getting heavier and more palpably sleepy by the minute. When his knees couldn’t take it any longer, he gave Roy a gentle nudge and eased out of him. “Go ahead, lie down.”

Roy sprawled out on his stomach, looking tired and fucked out and blissfully content. Jason would have loved to collapse beside him, but first he needed to take care of him. Roy might like pain, but he would also like being able to sit down tomorrow.

Jason cleaned them both up, then dug a bottle of lotion out of the nightstand. Roy hissed at the first contact with his overheated skin, then relaxed into Jason’s touch as he rubbed it in widening circles over any area that looked particularly red.

“So good to me,” Roy mumbled into his folded arms.

His words sparked a little thrum of pleasure low in Jason’s belly, which was stupid because they weren’t even having _sex_ anymore. And Roy was the one who had told him to do this afterwards, which obviously Jason was going to do because he might be a piece of shit in general terms but he wasn’t _totally_ selfish.

“Maybe I just want an excuse to feel you up,” he said, smoothing a hand over the inner curve of Roy’s thigh.

“Maybe I like it when you feel me up,” Roy replied, and wiggled his hips a little, presumably to demonstrate said enjoyment. Jason snorted so that he didn’t laugh out loud.

When he was done, he flopped down beside Roy. He’d been half-certain that Roy had dozed off, but at the impact of Jason’s weight hitting the mattress, Roy’s eyes opened and he gave Jason a sleepy smile. “Hey.”

“Hi. You good?”

Roy nodded. “I was wondering...you ever think about switching this up?”

Jason’s brow furrowed. “Switching what up?”

“This.” Roy’s lazy gesture looked like it might have indicated the two of them if he had bothered to lift his hand or move his wrist at all. “The little kinky thing we’re doing.”

“You want to spank me?” Jason asked, smirking.

Roy smiled back, half-hidden by the pillow. “There is nothing I don’t want to do to that fine ass of yours, Jaybird,” he said. “But not spanking necessarily, unless that’s what you want. There’s a lot of other stuff we could do. I guess I was just wondering if you ever thought about subbing in general. I think you might like it.”

“Look at you, Christian Grey, with your fancy terminology.”

“Okay, first of all the word ‘subbing’ is not that fancy, and second of all you hate those movies.”

“I do not hate those movies. That would imply that I _watched_ them. I hate the _idea_ of them.”

“You’re changing the subject.”

Jason rolled onto his side, trying to get a better read on Roy’s face. “Are you not enjoying it?”

“If you couldn’t tell how much I enjoyed that, I must be doing something wrong,” Roy said, and something nervous in Jason that he would never admit to quieted. “But if there’s something _you_ want, I want to give it to you.”

Jason shrugged the shoulder that wasn’t pressed into the bed. As much as Roy could drive him crazy sometimes, he had zero complaints about their sex life. “Not really,” he said.

“Okay,” Roy said easily. “Come over here and kiss me good night, I’m too tired to move.”

“I said _no_ , you don’t have to start bossing me around,” Jason said, making Roy laugh. But he still leaned over to kiss Roy soundly before turning off the light and sinking back into the mattress, tired and content and rolling into the warm heavy presence of Roy in his bed.

What more could he ask for?

*

The problem was, he couldn’t stop _thinking_ about it.

He wasn’t particularly enticed by the idea of Roy spanking him. It didn’t put him off, either - he was well versed in handling pain by now, and he knew Roy would make him feel good eventually because he always did. But as much as Jason enjoyed a little roughness in bed, he knew it wasn’t the same for him as it was for Roy, who unerringly sought out Amazons and assassins as sexual partners, who actively got off on being manhandled and slapped around. Jason could vividly remember how Roy looked in the morning after nights with Kori, with red handprints still visible on his bare skin and a sleepy, satisfied look on his face.

He also remembered how uncomfortable and vaguely angry it had always made him to see Roy like that, but that had been before he’d figured a few things out.

And he _liked_ being the one to give Roy that sated expression now. He _liked_ that as dangerous as he was, as bloody as his hands were, Roy trusted him not to take it too far. Not to hurt him in a way that he didn’t want. It wasn’t like they’d pledged their undying troth to one another or anything - their relationship was determinedly casual, and Jason was fine with that - but it still felt good to know that Roy felt safe with him.

So no, he didn’t particularly want to bend himself over Roy’s lap. But...

_There’s a lot of other stuff we could do._

The truth was, Roy was a lot more experienced than Jason when it came to sex. He had a few years on Jason, for a start, and he hadn’t been dead for any of them, so that helped. So did being raised by the too-permissive Green Arrow instead of Drill Sergeant Bats. Roy had introduced Jason to plenty of things in the bedroom, and not even necessarily kinky stuff - Jason had never bottomed before Roy, had never tried toys or thigh-fucking. Had never quite realized, maybe, that sex could be so playful and easy - without expectations and assumptions, without the pressure to do anything but what felt good to both of them.

And Roy had been the one to ask Jason to spank him - well, he’d annoyed him into threatening to do it and then immediately climbed into his lap to kiss him, which amounted to nearly the same thing. He’d been the one to guide Jason through how hard to hit, and with what, and where, and he’d been the one who suggested using lotion to soothe the worst of it afterwards. So when Roy alluded to “a lot of other stuff,” Jason couldn’t help wondering what else he’d done, and who he’d done it with. Which left him both jealous and turned on.

Nothing Jason could think of in the category of “other stuff” particularly appealed to him, though. What did that even mean? Handcuffs? Paddles? Crawling around in a blindfold? He’d do it if Roy really wanted him to, but it didn’t sound all that enjoyable.

But maybe there were things Roy knew about that Jason didn’t. And maybe...

_I think you might like it._

He couldn’t imagine himself liking it as much as Roy did - the gorgeous, blissed-out expression on his face, the irresistible way that he begged. He couldn’t possibly look as pretty as Roy did when he was desperate. The color wouldn’t rise on him as beautifully as it did on Roy’s fair skin.

But Roy knew him pretty well - so well it surprised Jason, sometimes. He hadn’t been wrong about their sex life yet. Which left Jason wondering what Roy saw in him that said he would like someone else being in control.

What would Roy do with him if Jason told him he could do anything?

So Jason kept _thinking_ about it. He thought about it when they were in bed. He thought about it when Roy was hunched over his workbench, clever hands hard at work on a new trick arrow, and Jason wanted those hands and that mischievous mind on _him_. He thought about it on patrol, which was distracting enough to be verging into dangerous territory.

_If there’s something you want, I want to give it to you._

And then there was the fact that Roy could just say things like that. Like it was easy. Like Jason deserved it.

It seemed selfish to ask for more. But if Roy was offering...maybe it was all right for Jason to take him up on it?

*

“Hey, where’d you go?” Roy asked, lifting his lips from Jason’s neck, his hand stilling on Jason’s dick.

“Pretty sure you can feel that I’m right here,” Jason said, thrusting into the loosened circle of Roy’s fingers.

Roy gave him a Look. “I’m insulted that you think I can’t tell when you’re spacing out.” He let go of Jason entirely and rolled off of him, propping himself up on one elbow. “What’s wrong?”

“What’s _wrong_ is that I was getting a perfectly nice handjob and now I’m suddenly in bed with Dr. Phil.”

“Just ‘perfectly nice?’ I can’t believe I have to put up with this kind of disrespect.” But his tone was gentle, and his eyes were locked on Jason’s, and Jason knew he wasn’t getting out of this without actually talking about his feelings.

Well, maybe if he went out the window. Roy was between it and him, but Jason was pretty sure he could move faster than Roy if he really tried…

He sighed. “It’s nothing bad,” he said.

Roy waited. Fuck, he had to say _more?_

“I’ve been thinking about, uh...what you said,” he added.

“Knew someday you’d have to admit you listen when I talk,” Roy said, grinning. “What I said when?”

“The other night.” Jason licked his lips. “When you asked if I ever thought about...about subbing. Or...whatever.”

Roy nodded. “You said you didn’t.”

“I didn’t.” Jason paused. “I...have been. Since. Maybe.”

He’d expected Roy to be...triumphant, or excited, or something along those lines, but Roy just nodded again. “Okay,” he said. “What kinds of things were you thinking about?”

“I don’t know!” Jason said, frustrated. “I don’t know, you just...you said you thought I might like it and I don’t...I mean, why do _you_ like it?”

“Me?” Roy said, looking thoughtful. “Who knows? Maybe the pleasure and pain receptors are mixed up in my brain. Could be because I’ve been getting hit for fun and profit since I was a kid, could just be how I’m wired. It’s not like I _need_ it to get off, and none of the people I’ve asked to smack me around ever had a problem with it, so I guess I never worried about it enough to really wonder why I’m into it.”

“The people you ask? You mean, you don’t do this with everyone?” Jason asked, surprised enough to be momentarily distracted from the main point of the conversation.

“Uh, no,” Roy said, laughing a little. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, Jaybird, but I don’t always make the best decisions about who to sleep with.” That stung, until he added: “I’m not giving anyone carte blanche to hit me until I know I can trust them.”

“So Cheshire…?” Jason asked before he could stop himself.

“Definitely not,” Roy said. “Did I love her? Sure. Did I _trust_ her? Not an inch. She _is_ a killer, remember?”

“I’m a killer,” Jason pointed out.

“It’s not the same,” Roy said. Jason wasn’t sure if he believed him, but Roy’s fingers circling his wrist made it a little better. And after all, Roy _had_ asked Jason to hit him. Roy trusted _Jason_. Just because Jason couldn’t figure out why didn’t change the fact of it.

“We’re getting away from the subject,” Roy said. “Which is that I don’t know why I like it. And it’s only, like, a medium thing for me, you know? Some people, they _need_ it, they go into this whole other headspace when they’re subbing. I just…” He shrugged. “Slap my ass, I get a boner. Go figure.”

“How poetic.”

Roy grinned, then softened. “For you...I dunno, it’s just a gut feeling. You’re real bossy, Jaybird, you know that? Giving up a little control for a while might feel good.”

It sounded _terrible_...but Roy trusted Jason. Maybe Jason could do as much in return. “What…” He swallowed. “What would you do?”

Roy considered it. “I don’t know,” he said finally. “I’d have to think about it. All right if I get back to you when I have a few ideas? You don’t have to say yes to any of them.”

“...Okay,” Jason said, and maybe there was something to this idea of giving up control, because the thought that he could just let _Roy_ figure it out and then come tell Jason what he wanted…

He was getting ahead of himself. He put the whole topic forcibly out of his mind and pushed Roy flat against the mattress, then straddled his hips. “Now,” he said, “I’m pretty sure you were in the middle of taking care of something…?”

Roy laughed and pulled Jason down for a kiss, wrapping his hand around Jason’s dick. This time, Jason wasn’t thinking about anything else at all.

*

It was about a week later that Roy brought it up again. Jason was lying on the couch reading _Bleak House_ when Roy came in and sprawled on top of him, nosing his way between the book and Jason’s face like an overeager Labrador. “Hi.”

“I was reading that,” Jason said, but he kissed Roy anyway, because, well, his mouth was right there.

“Little Nell dies at the end.”

“That’s a different book, you philistine.”

“Tomato, tomahto,” Roy said. “So I was thinking…”

“It’s always good to try new things.”

Roy pinched him lightly on the ribs. “About what we talked about the other night. You subbing.”

Jason suddenly felt a lot less like joking, and a lot less relaxed - whether from excitement or nerves, he couldn’t tell. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. So first of all, you can say no to any of this, for any reason. It doesn’t have to freak you out to be a reason to say no - you can just be like, ‘Hm, nah, not my thing,’ and we’ll forget it. You won’t hurt my feelings.”

“Since when have I ever cared about hurting your feelings?” Jason said, which...wasn’t true, exactly, but didn’t mean he didn’t do it on purpose sometimes anyway, just for the hell of it. He didn’t even really know why.

“Also, I think we should use a safeword,” Roy went on. “Or, you remember that stoplight system I told you about the first time you spanked me? Green for go, yellow for slow down, red for stop?”

“Jesus, Roy,” Jason said. He was sure it was nerves now. “Just tell me what the hell it is you want to do already.”

Roy smoothed a hand over Jason’s side, as if he could tell Jason was getting skittish. “I thought we’d try some light bondage. Nothing too fancy, probably just tying your wrists, or maybe cuffs.”

“Okay…” Jason said. That sounded...fine. Not good or bad, just...fine.

“And then I’d say nice things to you. Maybe jerk you off, but only if you seemed like you wanted it.”

Jason stared at him. “That’s _it?_ ” he said. “This is what you think I need a safeword for? Being _nice?_ Are you - ” he caught himself before he said _high_ “ - _kidding?_ ”

The wry expression on Roy’s face told him he hadn’t gotten away with his last-minute word substitution. “It’s a real thing. It’s called praise kink.”

“Praise kink.” Jason snorted. “Does that fall under the sadism part of the acronym or the masochism part?”

“Right now I feel like a masochist for even bringing it up,” Roy said, rolling his eyes. “Listen, I could hang you from the ceiling with a peeled ginger root up your ass, but that just doesn’t seem all that different from what you do every night.”

“Peeled ginger…?”

“It stings.”

Jason winced.

“You’re used to pain and danger and suffering. That’s your comfort zone,” Roy said. “I want to push you _out_ of your comfort zone.”

He still had that eager Labrador look on his face, the one that was so hard to say no to. It still sounded...well, basically like nothing, but Roy hadn’t steered him wrong yet, at least as far as sex was concerned. If this even counted as sex anymore.

“Yeah, all right,” Jason said. “Why not?”

Roy raised an eyebrow. “You sure? That didn’t sound wildly enthusiastic.”

“Yeah, I mean, it sounds goofy as shit, but I don’t mind trying it,” Jason said. “If I don’t like it I can just use my safeword or whatever.” He couldn’t quite keep a straight face as he said it; Roy gave him another wry look but didn’t object. “So when do you want to do this?”

Roy shrugged. “I’m free right now. But you were _reading_.” He batted his lashes.

“It’s a hundred and fifty year old book, it’ll keep.” Jason gave him a little shove. “Let me up.”

Roy got up and pulled Jason to his feet, then led him to the bedroom. “What are we using here, handcuff arrow?” Jason asked.

“Those were _Ollie’s_ idea and we stopped using them years ago, will you never let me hear the end of it,” Roy asked, looking up at the ceiling as if he was asking God to back him up. “Also they were tremendously uncomfortable.”

“Wait, did you actually use them for sex?” Jason asked, biting back a laugh.

“It is _possible_ that my bad ideas as a teenager were not solely limited to drugs,” Roy said airily. “Anyway, I did some shopping. I figured if you said no, we could always use more rope for, you know. Tying up ne’er-do-wells or whatever.”

Sure enough, there was a shopping bag on their bed - well, Jason’s bed, technically, but Roy hadn’t slept in his own room in months. Roy pulled out a length of coil - red, of course - and handed it to Jason. “How’s that feel?”

Jason had expected the roughness of hemp, but this was smooth and soft and slightly elastic. “Fine, I guess?” He’d certainly been tied up with worse, although never by anyone who was trying to do him a favor.

“They said it should be good for this at the store, but if it feels uncomfortable in a bad way or starts to cut off circulation, you have to tell me right away, okay?” Roy said.

The back of Jason’s neck went a little hot at the idea of Roy talking to someone at a sex shop about what he was going to do to Jason, even if it was something as mild as this, even if the clerk had no idea who Jason was. Or maybe it was the slightly firmer note in Roy’s voice.

“Yes, _sir_ ,” he said, making a joke of it because _really_. This was so much preparation for so little.

But Roy didn’t take the bait. “Is that what you want to call me?” he asked with an amused look. Amused and… _knowing_.

“Uh, no, Roy’s fine,” Jason said. The heat at the back of his neck crept towards his ears.

“Take off your clothes and kneel on the bed,” Roy said. He still had that firm note in his voice. Jason would have teased him if he’d started barking out sexy orders, but it wasn’t like that. He sounded more the way he got in the field sometimes, especially if Jason was injured. Just a little more...insistent.

Jason remembered, suddenly and from out of nowhere, that even though Roy usually deferred to him in the field, he was an experienced and capable leader. That he’d led not just the Titans and Checkmate, but the Outsiders. Bruce’s team.

“Jason...?” Roy asked, and Jason shook the distraction away.

“Right. Sorry,” he said, and started to strip. He would have made a show of getting naked, to lighten the mood with a joke or at least get a little control back by making Roy want to touch, but Roy wasn’t watching him. He was moving around the bedroom, shutting the door and turning off the lights so that they were only illuminated by the hint of sunlight coming around the closed curtains, sweeping a couple of stray pieces of clothing off the bed and onto a chair.

Why wasn’t Roy watching him?

Jason waited until Roy finally looked at him, shirt in his hands and his pants still on. “Is there something wrong?” Roy asked.

“No,” Jason said, because there wasn’t. He just felt a little ignored, which was silly, because Roy had spent nearly a week coming up with this, just for him. The fact that it was a stupid idea didn’t negate that.

He stepped out of his pants and underwear and put them on the chair, since that was where Roy had put the other clothing. Then he climbed onto the bed and knelt facing Roy.

“Good,” Roy said, as if Jason had done something difficult or even interesting. “Can you stay right there for me?”

“I think I can handle it,” Jason said, but his sarcasm came out hollow in the quiet room.

Roy didn’t respond, just took off his own clothing. Jason stayed where he was, which was no hardship. No matter how many times he saw Roy naked, he’d never get tired of the long rangy lines of him; the breadth of his shoulders; the way his freckles clustered densely along them and faded further down, trailing off toward the parts of him that didn’t see the sun very frequently, the places that were Jason’s alone.

Roy left his underwear on and picked up the rope, standing at the foot of the bed. “Thank you for waiting,” he said. “You did very well.”

“I didn’t do anything,” Jason said, trying not to squirm. He was a grown man; he didn’t need to be praised for sitting still.

“Which is exactly what I asked you to do,” Roy said. “I know you’re not totally on board with this idea yet, but you’re listening and you’re giving it a chance. That makes me really happy, Jaybird. Thank you.”

The heat was there again, in Jason’s neck and ears and now his cheeks, too. He ducked his chin. “Yeah, well, I didn’t have anything else planned this afternoon.”

Roy’s fingers touched his chin - no pressure, just contact, his archer’s calluses rough against Jason’s skin. “Can you keep your head up for me?” he asked. “I want to see you.”

Jason lifted his head and met Roy’s eyes, the soft pale blue of a summer sky. Roy smiled. “There we go. Good boy.”

Jason’s cheeks flamed, but he kept his chin up. He’d been _dead_ ; he could handle...whatever this was.

“Hold your arms out for me. Like this.” Roy demonstrated, his forearms about an inch apart and his palms facing each other. Jason echoed him. “That’s good. Thank you.”

Jason blinked. He felt a little hazy around the edges, like maybe he was more tired than he’d thought, even though it was only the middle of the afternoon. He made himself kneel up straight and not slump or sway, as Roy draped the rope across his wrists and began to loop it around them. Twice, three times...Jason lost count.

Roy was talking. “You could probably get out of this if you really wanted, of course. Bondage isn’t really designed for people who were trained by Batman. But you’re not going to, right? You’re going to stay right here for me, aren’t you?”

“Hm? Oh, yeah. Yes,” Jason said, finally processing that Roy had asked him a question. Sometimes Roy rambled about whatever he was designing or building without really expecting a response, and Jason just let it be a pleasant hum in the background. This felt like that, but nakeder.

Roy gave him a sort of appraising look but didn’t say anything, just wrapped the ends of the rope around the loops where they stretched between Jason’s wrists, creating two snug cuffs, and tied the ends off. Jason tested his bonds instinctively. Roy was right: he could get out if he tried, but it wouldn’t be easy. The solidity of his bonds felt nice, actually; grounding, which was helpful when the rest of him felt so fuzzy.

“There we go,” Roy said, stepping back to look at him. “How does that feel?”

“Good,” Jason said. “I mean, fine.”

“I’m glad,” Roy said. He brushed a curl off of Jason’s forehead and cupped his cheek. “And how do _you_ feel?”

“Um, okay,” Jason said. “I feel...good?”

“A little floaty?”

“Yeah,” Jason said. How had Roy known?

“That’s okay,” Roy said. “You’re doing really well, baby. I’m proud of you.”

“I didn’t do anything,” Jason said again, but with less conviction than before.

“You’re doing everything I ask you to do,” Roy said. “You’re trusting me to take care of you. I know that’s not easy for you. I’m so happy you’re letting me try.” He smoothed his hand over Jason’s hair. “You look so beautiful like this, Jason. You know that?”

The heat in Jason’s cheeks was undeniable as anything but a blush, now. “I...I don’t…” He knew that people liked the way he looked, that he was in good shape, that he could be charming when he wanted to be.

But Roy thought he was _beautiful_.

“You do. My beautiful Jaybird.” Roy leaned in and kissed his forehead. Jason wasn’t sure if anyone had ever kissed him there before. “You’re so good for me.”

Jason’s chest tightened. “Roy…” That didn’t feel quite right. He wanted to call Roy...not _sir_ , that had been a joke. But something...he didn’t know.

“Such a good boy,” Roy said. He was still petting Jason’s hair; lazy, meandering strokes that wouldn’t resolve into a pattern. “You’re brave. And you keep trying, even when it’s hard. You never give up.”

“I…”

“You take such good care of me,” Roy said. He still had that tone to his voice, steady and undeniable. “You always keep me safe when we’re in the field. And then when we come home you make me feel so good. It makes me happy just to be around you, even when you’re grumpy.”

Jason felt something rising in his throat, stinging the back of his eyes. Oh no. He couldn’t look away, not when Roy had asked him to keep his head up, he couldn’t fail at such an easy directive when Roy was telling him how _good_ he was, but he blinked furiously, trying to keep it at bay.

“You’re smart,” Roy said. “You’re compassionate. You - ”

The tears spilled over. Jason fought to keep his head up, mortified.

“Hey, shh, it’s okay.” Roy’s voice was so steady. Jason clung to it, to those soft blue eyes. “You’re not doing anything wrong. It’s okay to cry if you need to.” He kissed Jason’s forehead again. “What do you need? How can I help you?”

Jason’s throat worked as he tried to figure out what to answer. Finally he settled on the first thing that had crossed his mind. “Can you...come here?” he asked.

It didn’t even make _sense_ , Roy was standing right there at the foot of the bed, his hand literally in Jason’s hair. But he seemed to understand, climbing onto the bed to kneel next to Jason and pull him close, cradling Jason’s head against his shoulder. “How’s this?”

Jason buried his face in the curve of Roy’s neck. He wanted to cling to him, but the ropes around his wrist wouldn’t let him.

“Jay, I need you to tell me out loud,” Roy said, his hand stroking the nape of Jason’s neck. “Is this what you wanted?”

“Yes,” Jason managed. And it was - he felt less lost and shaken with Roy holding him, although the tears kept coming.

“Can you tell me why you’re crying?” Roy’s voice was so soft.

Jason shook his head, then remembered. “No.”

“No you don’t want to, or no you can’t?”

“I can’t.” He couldn’t because he didn’t _know_ , he didn’t know but if Roy thought he was upset he might _stop_ …

“Okay. That’s okay,” Roy said. “Do you want me to keep going?”

“ _Yes._ ”

Roy let out a soft chuckle against his ear. “That’s really good, Jason. Thank you for telling me so clearly.” He tilted Jason’s chin up gently with his fingers and kissed his cheeks, his nose. “You’re doing so well, baby. I know this is hard. I’m so proud of you.”

Jason leaned towards him, blatantly asking for a kiss on the lips, but Roy didn’t give it to him. “Roy…” It still didn’t feel right on his tongue, not right now.

“Tell me what you need.”

Jason’s cheeks flamed hot again, and it took him several tries before he managed it. “Kiss my mouth?”

Roy’s lips immediately sealed over his, the sweet familiar shape of them, and something in Jason unknotted itself. “See how brave you are?” Roy asked when he pulled back, and Jason shook his head because that wasn’t _brave_ , asking to be kissed by a mouth he’d tasted a hundred times. But Roy’s voice just got firmer. “You _are_. You never ask for what you need, but you did it for me twice now. You’re being so good for me.”

Jason’s throat clicked. Roy kissed his scarred eyebrow, the bump in his nose, and Jason sank into him. “You can always ask me for what you need, Jaybird, and I’ll always give it to you. Always. Do you understand?” Jason nodded, his eyelids drooping. “Out loud, Jay.”

“Yes, daddy,” Jason said, and felt another knot untie itself. _There._ That was right.

_It’s weird_ , said a distant voice that sounded like his own, _it’s weird and it’s wrong and you should be ashamed_. But the voice was outside of the hazy, comfortable place he’d found, and so he ignored it and focused on Roy like he was supposed to.

Roy, who looked a little startled, but just for a second. “Good boy,” he said. His eyes flickered down. “Baby, do you want me to touch you right now, or do you just want me to hold you?”

Jason realized he was half hard, probably had been at least since Roy put his arms around him, if not since Roy had undressed. It hadn’t seemed important, but suddenly he wanted Roy’s hand on him so badly he could hardly breathe. “Touch me,” he said. “I want you to touch me.”

“Okay, hang on.” Roy let go of Jason, which sent a momentary pulse of fear through Jason. But Roy didn’t break contact with him, kept a steadying hand on the nape of his neck as he moved to kneel behind him, and that hand kept Jason tethered to the moment.

Roy pulled Jason to rest against him, his back against Roy’s broad chest, Roy’s thighs on either side of his hips. Jason was bigger than Roy - not by much but definitely bigger - but he felt small and safe like this, cradled in the warmth and strength of Roy, in the cuffs that Roy had tied around him to keep him right here.

“How does this feel?” Roy asked, one arm around Jason’s chest, the other hand resting on his thigh.

Jason dropped his head back against Roy’s shoulder. “Good, daddy.”

Roy kissed his temple. The hand on Jason’s leg began stroking his inner thigh, creeping up higher with every pass, and Jason’s cock started to fill faster. “You’re so gorgeous like this,” Roy told him. “I love getting to be the one to hold you. I love getting to make you feel good. My beautiful boy.”

Jason felt his breath coming a little faster. He wanted to turn around, wanted to touch Roy back, but he couldn’t - not with his hands tied, and not when Roy hadn’t given him permission. That wasn’t being good, and god, Jason wanted to be good for Roy.

Roy wrapped his hand around Jason’s dick and Jason let out a helpless little sigh. “That’s good, baby,” Roy said. “You sound so good. You _deserve_ to feel good, Jason.”

That drove another little hitching sound out of Jason’s throat, not quite a sob. “Daddy…”

“You do,” Roy insisted, stroking him so sweetly. “You deserve everything. My brave, strong Jaybird.”

Jason’s tears had mostly stopped, but now they returned in full force. He tucked his head under Roy’s chin and this time Roy didn’t stop him, just held him and let him cry.

“Shh, you’re okay. You’re with me,” Roy said. “You’re doing so well, you’re making me so proud. You always make me proud, every day.” He kissed the top of Jason’s head. “I see you, Jason Todd. I see how hard you try. I see the good you do. You’re a good man. You _help_ people.”

Jason was breathless through his tears, trying to burrow closer under Roy’s chin, hips twitching in rhythm with his hand. “Daddy,” he said again. “Daddy, _please_.”

“Do you want to come, baby?” Roy asked.

“Yes, yes, daddy,” Jason sobbed into Roy’s throat.

“Good boy. Go ahead,” Roy said, and Jason arched and came in Roy’s hand.

Jason floated for a while after that. He could hear Roy talking, murmuring into his hair, but couldn’t make out anything he was saying. It didn’t seem important. He was here with Roy, and he was safe, and he was being good. That was all that mattered.

He didn’t know how much later it was when Roy shifted back. “I’m gonna take the rope off now, okay, Jaybird?” he said.

“Okay,” Jason said, and watched as if from a very great distance as Roy untied the ends of the rope and unwound it from his wrists. There were faint indents where the rope had been, and Roy examined them closely.

“Looks okay,” he said. “No chafing. Curl and straighten your fingers for me?” Jason obeyed. “Good boy. Anything feel numb or tingling?”

“No, daddy.”

“Excellent. Good to know I still got it.” Roy shifted a little bit further to the side and cupped Jason’s face gently, meeting his eyes. “I’m going to go get something from the bathroom, but I’m just going to be gone for a minute and I’ll be right back, okay?”

“Okay.”

Jason tracked Roy with his eyes as he disappeared into the bathroom and tried not to feel nervous. True to his word, Roy was back a minute later with a damp washcloth. He climbed back onto the bed and wiped the tear tracks from Jason’s face with it. The cloth was warm and soft. “There you go. Feel better?”

Jason swallowed. “Yeah.”

“Good.” Roy wiped up a little splatter of come on Jason’s belly and then reached for the nightstand, trading the washcloth for a reusable water bottle, which he uncapped before handing it to Jason. “Can you drink some of this for me?”

Jason didn’t really want it, but he wanted to be good for Roy, so he took the water bottle - and suddenly found that he was desperately thirsty. He drank nearly the whole thing before handing it back to Roy.

Roy smiled at him, eyes crinkling. “ _Good_ boy. Wanna lie down?”

Jason let Roy arrange them under the covers, with his head pillowed on Roy’s shoulder and Roy’s arms around him. He went back to drifting, enjoying the lazy patterns Roy’s fingers trailed across his back.

Slowly, slowly, things stopped feeling so distant. The mattress felt more solid beneath him; the blanket a more palpable weight. Jason blinked slowly, and then more rapidly as reality coalesced around him.

He must have tensed up or something, because Roy shifted beneath him. “Hi,” he said. “You coming back up?”

“I…” Oh god. Heat flooded Jason’s cheeks as he remembered what he’d said, what he’d _done_ … He pulled away, enough that he wasn’t lying on top of Roy anymore, but Roy’s arms wouldn’t let him go any further.

“Hey.” Roy’s hand on the nape of his neck was a steadying weight. “You didn’t do anything wrong. You don’t have anything to be embarrassed or upset about. I didn’t think it was going to be that intense for you, but it was my privilege to be able to be there with you during it. Okay?”

Jason risked a glance up. Roy’s face was so earnest, without a hint of judgment in it. It made Jason feel less like he needed to parkour out the window and never come back.

“I’ve beaten the hell out of your ass half a dozen times and _you_ never cry,” he muttered instead, and Roy laughed and kissed him.

“Yeah, tie me up and start prodding at _my_ self-esteem issues, we might see a different picture,” he said. He swept Jason’s hair back from his forehead and peered at him. “Seriously. I think that was really good for you, Jaybird. Wasn’t it?”

Jason considered. He felt exhausted, and wrung out, and still fairly embarrassed, despite Roy’s assurances.

He also felt lighter than he had in...a long time.

“...Yeah,” he said finally. “Yeah, it was.”

“Good. I’m glad,” Roy said - so simply, but it made Jason’s chest ache.

They were quiet for a few minutes. Jason didn’t want to go to sleep - it was still only the middle of the afternoon - but it felt good to just rest like this, with Roy’s hand on his neck and his eyes on Jason’s face.

Then Roy shifted, and something about it made Jason go slightly wary. “I’m sorry, but I have to ask,” Roy said. His expression was apologetic and...nervous? “What you called me. When you were…”

Jason’s face went hot again. “Yeah.”

“It’s fine,” Roy said quickly. “Anything is fine, it didn’t bother me, I’m not upset, but is there anything…” He bit his lip. “Your dad never, um… _touched_ you, or…”

Oh, god. “ _No_ ,” Jason said. The occasional backhand, sure, but not…

“Okay, good,” Roy said. “And...and Bruce?”

He _had_ to ask about Bruce, Jason knew he did, but it still made Jason feel weird and messed up and broken. “Jesus, Roy, _no_ , Bruce didn’t fucking _molest_ me when I was a kid. I got this fucked up all on my own. God.”

He tried to roll away, but now both of Roy’s hands were cupping his face, and even though his grip wasn’t at all firm, something in Jason didn’t want to pull away from it. “ _Hey_. Hey,” Roy said. “You remember who you’re talking to? I know from fucked up. There’s nothing wrong with what you said. Plenty of people are into it just because they’re into it, no childhood trauma required.” He grinned. “I can get some leather pants and a riding crop if that’s what you’re looking for.”

“Fuck you,” Jason said, but he had to bite the inside of his cheek to fight a smile.

“Seriously, though.” Roy’s thumbs stroked along Jason’s cheekbones. “You can call me whatever you want. It’s okay.”

“All right… _asshole_ ,” Jason said, and Roy laughed out loud, hauling him in for a hug and then resettling him back against his chest. Jason groaned but let himself be manhandled into place and couldn’t even bring himself to pretend he didn’t like it.

“Hey,” Roy said, after a long few moments of simply running his fingers through the short curls at the nape of Jason’s neck. “You know the things I said weren’t just for the scene, right? I meant every word of it.”

Jason’s fingers curved around Roy’s waist. He couldn’t...it wasn’t that he thought Roy had lied to him, but he knew who he was. If Roy saw him the way he said he did, that said more about the generosity of Roy’s heart than any inherent truth about Jason.

But god, he wanted to be what Roy thought he was.

“I…” he started, and then fell silent. He couldn’t tell Roy he was wrong. He couldn’t tell him he was right, either.

“It’s okay. We’ll work on it,” Roy said, and kissed the top of Jason’s head.

Jason opened his mouth to protest that there was no way he was letting himself get tied up and reduced to tears ever again...and then closed it. No, he wasn’t ready to do it again any time soon, but he sort of… _wanted_ to go back to that place where everything was fuzzy and floaty, where he was safe and Roy was saying things he wasn’t sure he could bear to hear anywhere else.

He wouldn’t have done it with anyone but Roy, not even once. He’d never let anyone else tie him up to begin with, let alone make him cry by cracking open his ribcage and pouring sunshine into it. He’d certainly never contemplate doing it _twice_ with someone else.

But it was different with Roy. Roy, who never judged him. Roy, who made it safe for Jason to let himself be bound because Roy would never let anything into their home to hurt him. Roy, who thought he was beautiful.

Oh, Jason realized. It was different with Roy because Jason loved him.

He must have tensed or made a noise or something, because Roy shifted and said “Mm?”

“Nothing,” Jason said. “Just…”

He _loved_ Roy. He loved him so _much_ , so big and deep that he couldn’t imagine how he hadn’t known before now. He loved him enough to put himself in Roy’s hands and let him break him into as many pieces as he wanted, and to trust that Roy would put him back together again when he was done.

He couldn’t say it, not yet. But he thought Roy might know.

And maybe Roy didn’t love him back. But Jason sifted everything Roy had said today through his fingers and thought that maybe...maybe Roy just knew Jason wasn’t ready to hear it. Not yet.

But soon.

His fingers tightened around the curve of Roy’s waist. “...Thank you,” he mumbled into Roy’s chest.

Roy’s lips brushed his hair again. “Any time, Jaybird,” he said. “Any time.”

**Author's Note:**

> [Come say hi on tumblr!](https://pluckyredhead.tumblr.com/)


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